About The Bachelor’s Women Tell All Episode

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I didn’t realize blogging about the Bachelor show would take so much effort!  At least to make it a blog that is entertaining and worth reading.  I’m inspired by actual Bachelor/Bachelorette contestants blogging with pictures, so call me a copy cat and move on.  BTW, people are more visual anyway.  How do you think I learned how to knit so well?  I YouTubed it.  Why would I read about it and attempt to follow illustrations of knitting stitch how-tos when I can just watch it? Unfortunately, this blog only contains screenshots. Sorry, but still visual.

Ok, I wish my blog started with a more interesting picture than the one I’m about to insert.  But I just have to say, would Chris Harrison even do a surprise Bachelor/ette Viewing Party in Hawaii?  You mainlanders are so privileged.  There’s no way Chris Harrison could pull off a surprise here.  For one, they would have to fly over – which means it’s an expense to ABC.  Second, the surprise bus wouldn’t fit on our roads…we don’t have any road shoulders and parking is so limited.  Third, it would just be such a big hassle (probably more a hassle for me than ABC).  I mean, come on…on Monday nights, I’m dressed in the most unstylish, uncoordinated attire that speaks What Not To Wear, my hair is frizzy, I have no make up on (and when I don’t have make up on, I honestly feel like I look like Oprah wearing no make up), I’m cooking Rice-A-Roni for my son because it’s easy and probably healthier than ramen, and I’m grouchy because I don’t want ANY interruptions while The Bachelor is on!! Poor Chris would be knocking and I won’t even answer the door.  Then he’ll move on and knock on my next-door neighbor and surprise him.  And I’ll see all of this on TV.

Ok, honestly those “surprise” drop-ins are totally staged.  Take the Sorority House drop-in for example.  It’s SUPPOSED to be a surprise where the two Sorority sisters greet Chris and Sean at the door shushhing them and leading them to a group of unsuspecting Bachelor fans gathered in a room watching the show.  But look at this shot!  Chris and Sean are in the back of the group, with the shot taken from the front!  BTW, this is a screenshot I took of the motion picture that I’m watching on abc.com.  It’s a CAMERA ANGLE people.  Obviously there was an ABC movie camera in that room! All the girls in that room also have perfect hair and makeup.  Look at the blonde girl to the right:  Shiny hair, no oily face.  STAGED.    Image

I love Chris Harrison’s optimism.  You gotta love the guy! But Chris Harrison, if you ever do a surprise drop-in at my hometown, I would totally do it with a head’s up and a hair & makeup crew because I know Hollywood could make me look like Beyonce.

Anyway, about this WTA episode.  If you’re a die-hard fan, you know immediately what WTA is, not wasting any more time on explanations.  I’ve got observations and opinions to divulge!

I have to give props to these girls who go on the show.  They are all so BEAUTIFUL!  Probably tall (over 5’2″), and have sickening perfect figures.  Can you imagine a season where the women were all plain and out of shape?  I mean REAL WOMEN? Even Sarah with one arm is GORGEOUS!

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A message to Sarah – Sister, you are BEAUTIFUL!  Don’t ever think having one arm is to blame for any relationship misfortune!  You embody the word “Beautiful”!  Sean is only one person out of millions of fine gentlemen out there.  Have you taken a look at yourself lately?  If not, you see my screenshot.  I shake my head and get jealous that I don’t look anything close to you.  Yes, that’s my eye in my profile shot, and I can look amazing when I try, which is not often. But SARAH!! Come on.  Read my other blogs on my imperfections.  I wish my ass was slimmer and toned again.  I wish my torso was evenly proportioned – I’d be 5’3″ for sure, okay…maybe 5 foot. I wish I could wear bikinis again, but all birthing battle scars were worth it for my incredible 14-year-old son.  Anyway, you get my point.  Talk to Bethany Hamilton.

I felt so sad though when Sarah was tearing up about Sean sending her home.  I think he totally meant well and cared so much for her feelings.  It’s a huge let down whether or not it was done at the rose ceremony though.  He was trying to be honorable.  BUT WAIT!  In that case, Sean should’ve brought Tierrable to the rose ceremony and dumped her ass there in front of everyone.  Talk about being humbled!  WTH! ABC, pick me to write scripts for the Bachelor!!! I’ll do it!  I’ll do it part-time for $30,000/year, with health insurance.

I gotta back track to this screen shot.  I don’t know whether to roll my eyes in disdain, ogle, or vomit.  Maybe I’ll roll my eyes while I vomit and ogle.  I have mixed feelings about Sean.  I mean, I honestly think he is a stand up guy, is sincere, AND a gentleman.  I mean, I TRUST Chris Harrison’s judgment, who doesn’t?  And yes, this dude is very sculptured and all, but this scene was SO CHIPPENDALES!  Sean, those sorority girls were exploiting you beyond belief!  INDIGNITY!  You turned into Jacob from Twilight for a split second…that Animal.  Rrrrrorrr… plus vomit.  Sean, you confuse me.  I’m such an irritated fan.

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And what happened to these women?

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Geez Kacie B.  SMH (I just learned that:  SMH – Shakes My Head).  My BFF Crissy – I’ll flip back and forth with her name spelling because I forget which spelling I use to keep her anonymous as well – Crissy’s thumbs and mine are on fire texting back and forth while watching this stupid wonderful show!  So Cris texts me wondering if Kacie B feels left out.  The girl had barely any airtime, I forgot she was on the WTA show!  Sweet Kacie B should have quit while she was still America’s Sweetheart.  I think the turning point was when she had to fly back to where ever Ben was in Europe to “warn” him for the 313th time about Courtney.  And Ben should have listened.  But Kayyyyy-ceeeee…sigh, baby girl…I think you have enough material to write a book on your experience being on the Bachelor twice. Find a publisher. March on and twirl with that baton, girl!  Then again, ABC might have offered her cash to go on again though.  You never know!  I mean, I would.  Especially now, being unemployed.  I would take it if I was offered $15,000, had a beach body, hair & make up crew, and health insurance.  I have a mortgage, people!

Another sister I forgot about:  Amanda.

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I must say, this chick looks different when she smiles!  This is what I remembered her as:

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And looks even more different when she EXTRA smiles!

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You fans know what I mean.  I’m not going to poke fun at all.  This girl is very pretty as well. But when sister Extra Smiles, it takes me back to the Looney Tunes cartoon where Tweety Bird morphs into the huge Jeckle/Hyde hairy yellow monster bird.  The smile has it’s own split personality. Be afraid.

Dangit! I still have more to talk about.  Thank goodness I’m unemployed.  Ok, the well-awaited moment of the WTA:  Tierra.  First of all, am I the only one who is annoyed at the name?  Is it supposed to be like “Tiara”?  As in princess?  SMH.

I really wonder how much ABC paid her to come on the show.  Sister, make sure you file your taxes!  You too, Kacie B.  and Emily in North Carolina.

Tierra. T-Rex. Ms. T.  Poor girl. What a way to be pegged forever to all of America – a villain.  Heck, I feel dirty being a fan of The Bachelor/ette Show, and horrors if people knew I was a fan…especially those who know me at church!  Ok, BTW… just learned that another one of my church friends is a FAN! We are all ashamed of ourselves, and we all speak in code.  But we have been planning our Superbowl Party for next Monday.  ABC @ 7pm.  Fans, you know that the Finale is our Superbowl!

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This scene irritates me to the end of space & time continuum.  Seriously girl!  If you’re freezing, put some MITTENS ON!!  Or at least put it under the covers!  WTH!!!  I feel like writing this part of my blog in BOLD, I’m so annoyed!

I think the studio audience wanted to Boo her so bad when she entered the room and sat in the hot seat.  But it’s good to know that there are still decent people out there.  It would’ve been funny though if after all the hush, someone squeaked out a tiny Booooo. No one would know.  The cameras would be panning the audience trying to find the culprit.

BTW…I liked how they showed some behind-the-scenes footage of the WTA before the director/producer guys says the, “Ok, we’re ON!”.  LOVED IT. These people are REAL!

So Tierra…I’m exhausted just thinking about this girl.  Sister did not get any discipline when she was two years old.  Talk about having the spirit of entitlement!

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No, Sean, NO!

Sigh.

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Of COURSE, she owns a dog like this! Thank you, WetPaint.com images.  Anyway, someone in the panel called her “delusional” and I would have to agree.  She seems to deny all the accusations about her saying this or saying that, she loses sight of what an awful and unkind person she portrays herself as.  But how do you explain yourself when you’re caught on tape having a heated argument with someone?  I’d be like, SILENCE.  I’d be all, “well, if that’s what you think of me AshLee” or “I’m sorry that I came across to you that way…”  Seriously!  Write a blog, Tierra!  Purge online!  That’s what I do…and it’s therapeutic.  Read my blog, “About Getting Fired”.  You’ll see how I graciously accepted the news in front of my then-boss.  Why would I burn bridges?  It’s all good material for my blog!

Enough about Tierra.

I loved these girls:Image

So THIS is where Katie Holmes ended up after her break up with Tom.  BTW…Tom, please do not do anymore movies with your shirt off.  Unless if you still looked like this:

Image which you no longer do at 50-years-old and beyond.  Even Jack LaLane cannot get back to this shape. Wait, is he still alive?  The Governator cannot get his sexy back anymore.  Who is responsible for casting Tom Cruise for that part in that Rock movie anyway?  Should be fired immediately…and write a blog.

I LOVE SELMA.  Hello Shahs of Beverly Hills meets Estée Lauder spokesperson meets Maria Bartiromo.  Even this candid shot of Selma beats any of my Shopping Mall Cover Look headshots!  So not fair.  Sister’s CLASSY!!  Image

AND Arie is smitten!!!  That’s all you need sister! I love when two rejected Bachelor people find true love with each other.  You and Arie will make super-immortal gorgeous children together.  See…Europeans and non-Americans.  Class.  Selma, if your plan was to be noticed by Arie this whole time, you are a stinking GENIUS!!

Total Team Catherine!! BTW…what happened to the 50 shades girl in the inset of this photo?  Image

Kinda looks like Niki Taylor supermodel.  Too bad she had to taint her image with 50 shades of alcohol.  She could’ve made it somewhere in Hollywood.  I usually put this in the end, but

LISTEN TO ME:  If you’re Bachelor contestant hopefuls, have some CLASS!  Don’t be CLOWNS!  BIG SIGH.

CATHERINE, the Hapa-Filipina, IS GOING TO WIN. Read my other blog entitled, “About Sean The Bachelor: Final Two…or rather…Pinal Two – Ai Soos!”  And if you did, “Ai Soos!” is what Filipino people exclaim whenever there’s anything to exclaim.  It is derived from the name, “Jesus” but said in Spanish as “Hay-soos”.  Filipino descendants are Spaniards.  Anyway, when Filipinos exclaim, like Americans who take the Lord’s name in vain, will say, “Ai Soos!” Filipino Culture 101.  And “Hapa” is the Hawaiian word for “Half”.  There’s lots of Hapas here in Hawaii…my son included, as I myself am a Filipina, and my hubby is German.

Hell hath no wrath like an AshLee scorned.Image

Beautiful to the nth degree.  Smart and intelligent, has matching hangers from Costco – you know the ones that are black-felted and curved on the sides.  Love them.  But SCORNED.  Wow, this lady I actually am afraid.  She should just climb the corporate ladder instead of find true love.  You can tell a control-freak by the eyebrows and eyes.  Ok, here’s a story that you’ll appreciate.  When my hubby and I got engaged over fifteen years ago, we went through this pre-marital class at the church we were attending at the time.  One of the activities we had to partake in was everyone but one person would get in a circle, facing in, and one person selected would stand in the circle, facing out towards the people facing in.  That selected person was to face each person, one-by-one, and within 1 second, verbally assess that person whether they were a “Giver” or a “Taker”.  So this one black guy is the selected.  I’m standing next to my husband (fiancé at the time), and the guy is going around the circle saying, “giver” or “taker”.  He finally approaches my husband, pauses for a second, and says, “Giver.” – which is totally true.  Then the guy moves on to me, pauses for a second, and says, “TAKE, TAKE, TAKE, TAKE, TAKE!” while moving his head from side to side like Black women do when they are jaded.  Stupid guy.  SO WHAT if my eyebrows are shaped and kept?  Take a moment to look at my profile pic.  Is that a sign of a “Taker?”  Well, maybe, but you’ll be glad to know that I am not too much of a “Taker”.  I give a lot too.  Or maybe I just learned to suppress my inner Taker self.  That’s why I dish out so much in my blog.  It’s like Edward and all his Vegan Vampires going to their feeding escapades on deers,  bears, horses and cows so that when they’re amongst real humans they are calm, cool, and debonair.  C’est-moi!

Anyway, AshLee is clearly a control freak, and America knows why Sean didn’t pick her and why she’s still single.  Sister has those abandonment issues that only God will heal.  I have abandonment issues, that’s why I blog.  AshLee should blog.  Also, my BFF Crissy/Cryssi is the first to say (since she is also an Attorney who deals a lot with kids given to the Foster Care pool), AshLee is suffering effects of being in that situation.  Hell hath no wrath like a foster child.  But GIRL, your Daddy loves you!  Focus on that.  You don’t have to be RIGHT all the time. You don’t have to be the one with the last word!  Pride comes before the fall.  Anyway, I wish AshLee was more tender-hearted and warm and sweet and not so uptight.  Sean would’ve been all over her.  I remind me of her sometimes, and I am thankful that I can see that.  It helps in my personality recharge.  Such Therapy!

OH, and WHOA…Did she HAVE to incriminate Sean like that?  Wow.  I’m sure she was right, because Sean really did look guilty.  I’m sure that in the throws of passion, that Sean may have said things like that.  And I did not hear it when I was watching WTA, but Crissy did say he kinda fessed up in a way.  I could be wrong.

Well, as I slap my two hands together in excitement, I cannot WAIT for the Finale next week!  AND LET’S NOT FORGET THE After The Rose.  I best be hurrying off now.  I have to meet a potential employer at 12:30p for coffee.  I may have to resort myself to becoming someone’s part-time assistant, of course, for the health insurance.

I did my LISTEN TO ME above, if you’re looking for it.  I’m glad you did listen to me today.  Please feel free to follow my blog.  Enjoy it, join me for my therapy, I’ll try to make it exciting and fun.  But also, take the time to share your thoughts about the WTA episode too!  I read all the feedback…all 3 of them.

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